SWAMP LIFE
The Turtle Soup Web Page
This page is majorly under construction!
Turtle Soup is, surprisingly, not Juan Jose, as you might suppose if you looked around in Geocities. Rather, it is a group of seven social misfits from North Bay, Ontario with the mental capacities of turtles usually found in soup - that is, dead ones. Click here for pictures. Our names are:
Jessica Zimbalatti (Mr. Bounce)
is the youngest defrocked nun in all of Christendom. And when we say defrocked, we mean defrocked! I mean, the habits were cool and everything, but wool is so scratchy. Her favourite phrase is "Shaggin' Wagon."
Kate Stange (Net Slut, Chubbo, Siren)
as you can no doubt tell from her website, is a freakish young thing who spends her leisure time flagellating herself (but really, she isn't what her nicknames imply!). She's a mathy sort of person. We blame this on her parents and her boyfriend.
Meg Moulson (Bubble Butt)
is the artsy-fartsy one, who plays saxophone and prances around pretending to be Little Red Riding Hood in her spare time. Someday she'll win a Nobel Prize in genetics research.
Lisa Bernas (Buff)
has a motto... "Don't a come a knockin' when the Hyundai's a rockin'!" but we love her anyway. For Lisa, we'll just say "Bump is the King of Dorks!" Her advice to all of the love-lorn: math teachers make the best lovers.
Leah Tiisler (Twins)
will never disclose the meaning of her nickname, but just email Kate, to find out! She has a gaggle of drooling guys who follow her around (better her than us!). She also believes that if a drop of water falls on your head from the top of the CN tower, it will kill you.
Helen Pinsent (Colon)
will someday be a famous Mormon actress with famous Mormon hair. Any famous (and free) Mormon men may contact her through Kate's email. She refuses to acknowledge that she has alien toes, though she has admitted it about her earlobes.
Kirsti Bos (BudgieBasher)
plays Dr. Neil Paterson very well (perhaps there's a psychic yogic link?) and has a fetish for scottish men in kilts and Jerry Seinfeld. She aspires to be John Cleese. This requires a sex change - we're just counting the days.
Click here for the story TMS and The Breads!
FUTURE PLANS OF TURTLE SOUP:
Program to Refrock Jessica: Nuns in Animal Prints
Fun Links That We Like
The Making of Turtle Soup (The Movie)
Cool Audio Clips on the Page
Pictures and Pictures!
And more...
This page was born and last updated on Oct. 19th, 1996. If we care enough, we'll change it again. Meanwhile, keep coming back just for the fun and laughs.
